domingo, 15 de marzo de 2015


The desire and, somehow, the necessity, of constantly having strong, deep feelings is one of the most dangerous things growing up has brought to me, along with the fear from the vast emptiness of numbness, a lack of sensations I can't control. The wish of permanently being exposed to the adrenaline of feeling has led me, more than once, to making up feelings: convincing myself that I feel something I don't, and yet the problem gets even worse when I don't dare to guess until when I actually was feeling by heart and since when it was just my imagination. Such is the power of the mind that these made-up sensations get lives, names, shapes and colours, and I recklessly lose myself into them.

When love somehow dies, a childish belief that one will never be able to be happy again arrives. Pushing us to think that the 'missing part' of you, or however you choose to call it, will grow and grow until it becomes a huge black hole that swallows the rest of your mental sanity. Once we feel we are loved, in terms of a romantic relationship (not friendship or any other kind of love), it seems like it becomes a sensation we can't live without, ignoring the fact that feeling wasn't there before and we were able to get on with our lives without any problem.

We tend to forget that before there was love coming from the outside, from another person, there was already a bigger, stronger kind of love coming from the inside: the love for ourselves.

viernes, 13 de marzo de 2015

Goodbye, sunshine


Jeremy Scott SS'16
All pictures by

Rude cakes by Tara Welch

The three moodboards above were made as a personal inspiration for a photoshoot I did last December. Sources unknown, feel free to let me know if you know any of them.


domingo, 22 de febrero de 2015

Oh sweet sixteen, little runaway girl

Winter so far has been about birthdays, avalanches of feelings, dancing along to The Undertones in parks and drinking milkshakes in cute restaurants. 

The picture above is from my  8th birthday and the pictures below from my 16th birthday a month ago.

Alba, moi.

Alba, Sara, me.

Trying to look cool pretending to smoke.

Alba, me, Sandra.

Gurls. Sofía, Sandra, Alba, me, Marta, Sara.

Mansis, Sara, Alba, me, Sofía.

Alba and Marta by me, pictures taken later that same night.

In case you don't know, I collaborated with GOHS' Zine Club's first zine, and i'm ultra excited about it. In the first edition of the zine, you can find part of my visual project 'Girl'. You can buy it here.
However, my work was also featured on their launch party, on February 7th.

Pictures of the launch party by Alyson.

I'm also featured on issue 8 of Cherry Mag, including poems I wrote to the places I call home. 
(page 34)

The day before St Valentine's day, I hung out with my soul twin Inés. We went to an exhibition about music in the 20st Century and later walked and walked around town and drank milkshakes in a cute restaurant.

All pictures by Inés v. B.

Hopefully I'll write a second part to this post soon.
Have an amazing week,
xx Inés

domingo, 25 de enero de 2015

A visual love letter: La Movida Madrileña

La Movida Madrileña was a cultural movement that took place in Spain, especially in Madrid, after the death of Franco and the end of his regime, in 1975. It is characterized by youth, freedom of expression and underground movements. 

Yesterday I ended up talking about this with some friends and I though I should write a post about some of my favourite photographers. Enjoy.

1. Rossy de Palma by Pablo Pérez Mínguez, source unknown 
2/3/4/5/6 by Miguel Trillo (x)(x)(x)
7/8 by Ouka Leele (x)
9 by Alberto García Alix
10,11 by Pablo Pérez Mínguez (x) (x)
12. Celia and May in Rock-Ola, Madrid by Miguel Trillo, source unknown

sábado, 17 de enero de 2015

Hoping for the best

Missing Lima has become part of my routine now that I got back from Christmas holidays. Missing the people I love, missing the small Virgin Suicides-looking house and its beautiful garden, missing how I feel when I'm in Peru - how careless, rested, calm I feel. Missing the christmas tree set up with butterflies and birds decorating it, missing the view through the window, missing the noisy, annoying kombi honks taking people from one corner to the opposite one of the city. Lima has always been home, too. Yet, I don't feel sad. People tend to think nostalgia has to be sad. It doesn't. When I miss people, places, things, I do it in the happiest way to do it, it's not even bittersweet, it's just a sweet, pure feeling. I find myself in the people that surround me and I also do it in the people who are far. I like remembering, and that doesn't have to mean I live anchored to the past. I like the past as much as I like the present, the past is, indeed, a big part of the present.
So as much as I miss Lima, I like being back to Spain. I love my city. I like being able to catch the underground and be wherever I want to be, whenever. I like being with my friends, my family and the people I love from here, too.  I like being in my own bedroom, having my CDs, books, clothes next to me instead of inside a bag . I like walking around my neighborhood early in the morning. I like winter. I like how free I feel here. I'm happy for living here. I'm thankful for 2014, for all the moments, the places, the people - also, for all the words. I'm positive, in a nutshell, I feel like 2015 is going to be something big - I hope it is.

On these last days I've been having a more balanced routine: I've been studying, enjoying the fact I still don't have too many exams to read a lot, hanging with the people I love and staying out of some social networks, besides from reducing my time on the internet. I'm talking especially about Twitter here. I was already a bit tired of it, mainly because I've been noticing how hard people try to become someone they're not, to make people believe a certain image of them. And even though I can easily handle that, I started to get slightly upset by reading certain things people tweeted, and I don't intend to change anybody's way of thinking - neither am I the world's babysitter nor everybody has to share my opinions - so I chose to distance myself. Sometimes people radiate the wrong kind of energy and I simply don't want that negativity - not in my life, not in 2015 or ever again.
I read South of the border, west of the sun by Murakami, and honestly, it wasn't my cup of tea. The way the book is written and the descriptions are generally beautiful, but the book itself didn't surprised me at all. In fact, I did hope it was much better because I'd been listening to a lot of people talking about how good Murakami is. I firstly intended to read Tokyo Blues but I couldn't find it on the book shop, so I bought this one instead. And maybe Murakami is actually really good and maybe Tokyo Blues or Kafka on the shore or any other book by him is good, but I can only have an opinion on what I know and what I've read - and I just felt kind of disappointed with it.
Then I read Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell and I could feel my inner teen fangirl shouting with excitement: I-loved-it. Catchy and exciting, I had an amazing time.

I've also been editing the fanzine a lot lately and having ideas about it, brainstorming about ways to improve it, buying decorations and scanning things. There's still a lot to do, though. Remember that if you feel like submitting your work, this edition's theme is BELIEFS and you can find more information about it here / instagram: @heartbreaknation. And of course, if you have any doubt, don't hesitate to ask me.

These pictures are from the last week of holidays, when I got back to Madrid and went to the Archeological Museum of Madrid with my friend Inés.

All pictures by Inés van Berkel. 

I wore a round-neck shirt, red doc-martens-look-a-like shoes amd small brown bag from H&M, a denim jumpsuit from Bershka, and a baby blue sweater with daisies on it from Kling. The coat was borrowed from my sister.

The videos above are from an acoustic concert I went to last night, the band's called Pol and I've been in love with it ever since sixth grade, but all their gigs were +18. I'm so glad I could finally see them.

Hope you have an amazing day, I plan to struggle with trigonometry all weekend.
Much love,