We all have the people in our lives we don't like to think of, and even more, we think we are unable to talk of without being cut at the middle of a sentence by a knot in our throats; this happens for many reasons: sometimes people are connected to a certain either bitter or sad memory in our minds, sometimes people hurt us or we hurt them, or sometimes people leave our lives suddenly and don't even explain why.
The people who leave my life too soon are the ones who leave the biggest holes in my heart, because I always happen to feel too much towards those people, either a strong admiration or a passionate love, always connected to the idea that I need that person in my life.
A friend of mine, called A.Z., wrote on her recently published fanzine that meeting new people was the best thing in life, and I couldn't agree more. I'm usually shy, and it takes me a long time to get the guts to walk up to a person and say hi, so when I meet a person who I appreciate, I struggle my hardest to keep that person in my life. This is one of the things I have learned from moving from a country to another: to appreciate and take care of those I have in my life.
But sometimes it happens that I try to keep that person inside while she/he's running to get outside (this has happened too many times), and the matter is, as we can't help a person who's not willing to accept help, we can neither force a person to stay near us if she/he's not willing to. We can only be sure of what we want, we can only be sure of what we think, because everything else is out of our hands. When a person chooses to walk away, a huge silence is left inside of me, and it actually takes me a long time to be able to fill that space with new voices.
On my last term of school this year, I've been battling with this feeling while I tried to be able to reach my goals in other aspects such as my grades, my relationship with other people and my artwork (visual and written). But yesterday I was hit by the great feeling that I was surrounding myself with the people who I actually like to have in my life. This is the actual definition of happiness.
Talking about meeting new people, she's Inés, sixteen and from the Netherlands, but living in Madrid. We recently met and went to the Thyssen Museum to visit an exhibition on pop art/icons, yesterday we hung out again to visit the botanical garden and take pictures, a lot of them will be on the first issue of my new zine, Heartbreak Nation. I highly recommend you to take a look at her blog and flickr because she's truly talented and a total cutie.
You can see these on my flickr too.