miércoles, 26 de marzo de 2014


It's getting harder to write. 
It's hard even to write these lines because I'm making this effort of trying to put everything I'm carrying inside of myself into words, and I feel a storm in my lungs, I feel my blood like a hurricane, and yet, there are no words.
I'm going through a phase in which I consider it extremely important to be sincere with myself, and this has led me to many doubts. 
It's been a long time since I wrote something that made my own skin shake when I knew I had found the right words. I guess it's been even longer since I last wrote something that made someone else's skin shake or that got to touch them behind their physical boundaries. 
It's hard because I've been wondering what I am comunicating with this blog. Or what I am really comunicating on my daily routine. Or if anyone's actually listening and trying to accept or understand. Or if I am trying it myself.
I guess everything's been all a huge blur and I watched the days go by as if they belonged to someone else; and everything I have said or tried to write tasted weird in my mouth.

I found these on my dad's old photos, they were taken by him at some moment of the eighties and probably with a really cool camera. My dad would have been great if he had tried photography, I like to think my dad would have been great at anything he'd have tried (except cooking, ha) These make me specially happy because I like the thought of having my own version of them , and to think that my dad is trying to show me and my sisters his world (like the places he used to visit, or the things he enjoyed) provokes a inexplicably comforting feeling.

I guess memories keep us in touch with ourselves and the world when our own voices sound like another person talking.

This song is a poem.

we're setting fire to our insides for fun,
 collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home
 it was a flood that wrecked this... 
... and you caused it

sábado, 8 de marzo de 2014

The moon is hiding in her hair

Last Saturday I had the most random conversation with my dad about freedom, which lead to the questions in my mind: 'Where does freedom come from?', 'Does it, somehow, end up depending on your 'social status', the place you come from or whether you are rich or poor?' 'Are we ever totally free?'.
So I wanted to take a picture to say that no matter who we are, freedom borns inside of us. I wanted it to express freedom and produce a certain tranquility, and as I didn't have anyone to photograph, I photographed myself.  This is what I got:

People were mainly very nice with their comments on the result of the picture, even when it wasn't their cup of tea; but then I got some comments like 'Wow, did you really photographed yourself???? Seriously????' And I didn't even reply, I just stood there, smiled and thought ' wow, it's not like it's my face, and I'm going to live with it all my life, right? So why should I be ashamed of showing it, somehow?'. I don't know if you get its meaning as I do (a lot of people thought it was just a pic and there was no meaning behind it, which is ok because it's the first time I'm doing something metaphorical), in case you don't, at least I hope you like the idea.

Sorry for this short, somehow random post, hopefully I'll be writing more soon. This is a song I'm really into right now, enjoy:

él corría, nunca le enseñaron a andar,
se fue tras luces pálidas;
ella huía de espejismos y horas de más.
aeropuertos: unos vienen, otros se van,
igual que Alicia sin ciudad;
el valor para marcharse,
el miedo a llegar.

viernes, 28 de febrero de 2014

jueves, 27 de febrero de 2014

Something is upsetting me

Just writing in order to share my anger towards the messed up world we live in. Stop. Breathe. Here we go. So basically I was on the internet, looking for games to play () when I came across this one, called 'Nerdy Girl Makeover' (as you may have noticed, the name already says a lot itself), and thought something was wrong. 
And you know what? Indeed, something IS wrong.

Something is wrong when the change from ''ugly'' to ''pretty'' includes removing glasses, a no-make up look, and a biology book, among other things. Something is really wrong when these are being related to unattractive, when we're being told that intelligent = ugly.
Something is wrong when we live in a world that seems to despise culture.
Something is wrong when this is what girls are being taught: that they have to choose, that they must be either dumb and pretty or ugly and intelligent; that they can't be both because someone said so. We're playing by someone else's rules in a game we're always going to lose. We've definitely never been told that as people, we don't have to choose a definition, that we have the freedom to be whoever we want to be, we've never been taught that beauty comes in all sizes, colours and shapes, and that at the end of the day, it's all relative.
We just let it go down to the same stupid definition all the time.We never learn. It's exhausting.


And maybe some of you think I'm overreacting, but this makes me so sad and angry at the same time that it's even scary. I wish girls could be free from this pression and just get on with their lives, pursuing their ideals and chasing their dreams freely. We obviously need feminism.

And this song's here just because I really, really like it
sorry not sorry.

domingo, 23 de febrero de 2014

ARCO Madrid 2014

On Saturday I visited ARCO 2014, the International Contemporary Art Fair of Madrid. It is the second year I visit the exhibition, the first one was two or three years ago, and as I don't know a lot about art, I can't tell you more details about the artists or the artwork, but I can tell you that it was really beautiful, that I liked it a lot, and that you actually breathe inspiration there.

viernes, 14 de febrero de 2014

Don't blame the time on your wrist

It's been a while since I last wrote something, and even more since I last really stopped to think what I was writing about and think about my life and the way things are going. So I have quite a lot of things to write about today, because these weeks have been really intense. But not exhausting at all, just intense in the way that it makes your mind work 24/7. And in between my reflections I'll put pictures, selfies and songs that break my heart and make me happy at the same time, because, well, because why not.
I want to start writing about Tuesday. On Tuesday I had this hard moment when my mind was filled with scary thoughts and doubts about my future. When you are young, you
have this idea of what the future will be like. You have all these dreams and assumptions. You have the idea that one day you'll become a dancer, or an astronaut, probably some of us even thought they'd become a princess. You think you'll never go to another school, you think you'll never live in another house, and living in another country or even continent is not even a thought for you, because we think that these are the kind of things that happen to other people, on movies or books or when we hear somebody talking about their friend who moved to another city - other people, but not us. Yet we grow up, and no one has ever told you that most of you 'forever' promisses were only going to last a week. And then you want to be a dancer, or an actress, or just study what you really like, and people no longer look and smile to you, but they tell you to start being realistic. And then suddenly you don't live in that house anymore, neither go to that school nor walk on that city's streets. And you look down and you see a huge abism, which you know nothing about, and it is called life. And one day or another, you have to jump. You have to jump and have the courage to listen to yourself for once in your life, instead of listening to other people. I'm not going to lie, it all scares me: my future, my choices, all these doubts (in my religion, in my relationship with other people, in constructing my path...). It scares me to a point I can barely breathe without wondering who it would affect and how. But I guess someday I'll have to jump.
1. Look Left / 2. Telephone / 3. Covent Garden / 4. Fashion St / 5. Brick Lane second-hand books / 6. Feet selfie / 7. Disposable selfie yay
All of these are analogue and were taken in London.
( see more on my flickr: www.flickr.com/naivehearts )
On Wednesday my school organised this voluntary activity in which you go to the countryside and think about life and relax. It was mainly about thinking of religion, but I went anyway because in the middle of all these exams and my life running, I haven't had time to think about life and myself in a while. I really liked it, though, because most of religion activities are always about asking for forgiveness and thinking of all the things we do wrong, however, this time it was really positive: it was about recognising the many positive and good things we have, and how special we are, I think religion should always been seen like this, like something positive, like appreciating who we are and life. The countryside was also covered in snow and cold, it was beautiful, it made me smile so much.
If you ever listen to the songs and videos I put here, or even if you don't, please listen to these songs, they mean so much to me that it's even scary. They remind me of a time in my life that was hard, but they make it sound okay, natural, like a part of me. Sorry if you don't understand the lyrics because they are in portuguese.
 And to complete the post, here's something I wrote last week but never published:

Friday (Well, actually Saturday), 2/8/14 - 00:56h.

So I just had this thunderstorm of thoughts right now and I feel like I need to write. So here I am sitting in my bed, staring at my computer, while listening to Where The Heaven Are We (and it feels like glory). It's midnight but it seems that my brain only works properly when I'm trying to get some sleep. We have this subject at school, which is like a part of our Spanish subject, but we just learn to talk in public and make presentations and stuff, which is already a lot itself, and today I had this test which was about making a speech with a power point presentation about anything; I spoke about freedom of speech and the power point was made of metaphoric drawings and collages I had made. The teacher liked it and I was happy because I thought of it as a manifesto, so I'm going to publish it either here or someplace else as soon as I get my scaner repaired, because it isn't working right now. Also, on Wednesday I didn't go to school because I was feeling sick, and I spent some time rereading my old zines. It's been a lot of time since I wrote my last one - it was a poetry & creative writing zine. The former ones were about self-acceptance, stereotypes, feminism and also freedom of speech. (I didn't ever sell them or gave them away or anything, though). However, I have come to the conclusion that freedom of speech has become a pretty important matter in my life right now. When I was thinking of a theme for my speech, first I thought of talking about Sylvia Plath, but since my classmates neither read poetry nor know important writers like her, I wasn't sure they were going to understand it, and maybe they even could find it boring (like how???? it's freaking Sylvia Plath!! but whatever) so I stopped to think about what the people I look up to have taught me, and in one way or another, it always comes down to freedom of speech, to the importance of setting yourself free, or raising your voice.
Wore this for a dinner with my family on Friday. It's very simple but I love this sweater.
Glasses: vintage market / Shirt: Blanco (not sure though) / Sweater: H&M
There's something about being a blogger or just a teen girl in this century that makes you seem a little bit narcissistic at times, but it's not the kind of narcissism that is negative or just creepy, it's just the kind of narcissism that is normal, because there will always be times when you'll look at yourself in the mirror and think you look good, or times you'll love your outfit and you'll go outside proud of it, and you'll want people to notice it, and that's not bad: that's natural, that's good. I don't know why people now a days try to make each other feel so guilty about posting pictures of themselves on a social network or about taking selfies. Gosh! It's just normal to take a picutre of you that you like and want to share! Please let's all remember Ezra Koenig 's words on selfies. 
Thanks for reading,

lunes, 3 de febrero de 2014

Everybody's home in London

I may look like a typical teen tourist in London so maybe if you live here or if you're from the UK this post may seem a lil bit ridiculous but hey whatever I love this city too much to even care about that. However, last weekend I traveled to London with my mum and it has been maybe some of the best days in a long long time.
London in the rain from a bus window.